Bottled It ⋅ 2021
I wish I could have bottled
the feelings I had
in those intimate moments.
the security of skin,
the scent of honesty,
the feeling of bliss.
if only I could have dabbed
a splash to my veins,
every time I missed you…
feel the sun rays and my pulse race-
perhaps the hole in my heart
would have healed quicker.
I was never someone
who valued scents
until you.
tabaco, tea, sweat, paint, and love.
that would be the scent of you.
if only I had bottled it.
Driving with Grief ⋅ 2022
fiery hot tears fill my eyes
it’s hard to see, hard to drive
it’s reckless, I know,
to travel when I feel so stuck
I have to keep swallowing
the sadness, despite its tendency
to stick in my throat.
there’s no right way to grieve,
no right way to mourn or cry.
but there is a right way to drive,
and it’s not with tears in your eyes.
How do I? ⋅ 2022
how do I
protect you from myself?
how do I live fully
while keeping you safe?
how do I let you love me
while locking my dark parts away?
i’m a ticking time bomb,
don’t know what sets me off.
you’re better off to run & hide.
you won’t be safe
staying in my life.
The moment I knew it was over ⋅ 2021
I used to dream of myself
going on adventures
with you right beside me.
I just realized
that when I dream now,
you’re no longer there.
Steadfast ⋅ 2021
there has never been
a moment without you.
I’ve never taken a breath
without you being here.
more than a fleeting shadow,
more solid than the earth below.
You are steadfast, faithful.
no one else could be.
not like You.
only you.
Out of Time ⋅ 2021
I think the worst feeling
was thinking that we had more time
and realizing that everyone
had a watch but me.
Warmth to keep alive ⋅ 2021
would I sleep more soundly
being smarter than everyone else?
kept warm by my superior thoughts?
I don’t think so.
everyone speaks down to me,
like I’ve no knowledge of anything.
I don’t think having greater intelligence
will keep me company or keep me warm.
but my poems don’t fill
the night time loneliness, either…
may be have to ignite
the fire within
to keep us alive
if knowledge incites
your soul’s flame,
your will to live,
then burn bright and hot.
who am I to judge
what keeps you warm at night.
Pillowsoft Heart ⋅ 2021
my pillowsoft heart
wasn’t made to take punches
my featherfree smile
should rarely have to fall
in my tumbleweed, turbulent moments,
my chest clenches
and everyone hears my chainmail quake
I’m a big, soft, scaredycat
I’m a pillowsoft heart
soaking wet with tears.
Carcrashed Love ⋅ 2021
my ability to trust
has been shattered
by numerous
blindsided collisions.
my heart
is permanently concussed.
I’ve tried to force it
into a coma,
to keep it barely alive,
slowly beating,
yet safe.
but here it is,
dissily hobbling towards
the possibility of
crashing into love again.