Bottled It 2021

I wish I could have bottled

the feelings I had

in those intimate moments.

the security of skin,

the scent of honesty,

the feeling of bliss.

if only I could have dabbed

a splash to my veins,

every time I missed you…

feel the sun rays and my pulse race-

perhaps the hole in my heart

would have healed quicker.

I was never someone

who valued scents

until you.

tabaco, tea, sweat, paint, and love.

that would be the scent of you.

if only I had bottled it.

Driving with Grief ⋅ 2022

fiery hot tears fill my eyes

it’s hard to see, hard to drive

it’s reckless, I know,

to travel when I feel so stuck

I have to keep swallowing

the sadness, despite its tendency

to stick in my throat.

there’s no right way to grieve,

no right way to mourn or cry.

but there is a right way to drive,

and it’s not with tears in your eyes.

How do I? ⋅ 2022

how do I

protect you from myself?

how do I live fully

while keeping you safe?

how do I let you love me

while locking my dark parts away?

i’m a ticking time bomb,

don’t know what sets me off.

you’re better off to run & hide.

you won’t be safe

staying in my life.

The moment I knew it was over ⋅ 2021

I used to dream of myself

going on adventures

with you right beside me.

I just realized

that when I dream now,

you’re no longer there.

Steadfast ⋅ 2021

there has never been

a moment without you.

I’ve never taken a breath

without you being here.

more than a fleeting shadow,

more solid than the earth below.

You are steadfast, faithful.

no one else could be.

not like You.

only you.

Out of Time ⋅ 2021

I think the worst feeling

was thinking that we had more time

and realizing that everyone

had a watch but me.

Warmth to keep alive ⋅ 2021

would I sleep more soundly

being smarter than everyone else?

kept warm by my superior thoughts?

I don’t think so.

everyone speaks down to me,

like I’ve no knowledge of anything.

I don’t think having greater intelligence

will keep me company or keep me warm.

but my poems don’t fill

the night time loneliness, either…

may be have to ignite

the fire within

to keep us alive

if knowledge incites

your soul’s flame,

your will to live,

then burn bright and hot.

who am I to judge

what keeps you warm at night.

Pillowsoft Heart ⋅ 2021

my pillowsoft heart

wasn’t made to take punches

my featherfree smile

should rarely have to fall

in my tumbleweed, turbulent moments,

my chest clenches

and everyone hears my chainmail quake

I’m a big, soft, scaredycat

I’m a pillowsoft heart

soaking wet with tears.

Carcrashed Love ⋅ 2021

my ability to trust

has been shattered

by numerous

blindsided collisions.

my heart

is permanently concussed.

I’ve tried to force it

into a coma,

to keep it barely alive,

slowly beating,

yet safe.

but here it is,

dissily hobbling towards

the possibility of

crashing into love again.